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Photo Credit: Amanda Morgan and Caitlin by news.bbc.co.uk |
Amanda Morgan, from Neath, gave birth to her 5lb 6oz (2.43kg) daughter Caitlin after leaving the surgery.
She was told she was having the
classic signs of early menopause, but her condition had been misdiagnosed.
The Royal College of Midwives said cases like hers were very rare, but fast labors were often uncomplicated.
The legal secretary, who already had two sons aged 13 and 10 years old from a previous relationship, described how she gave birth to Caitlin at home 11 months ago.
It was a complete shock to me,she said.
I had had no morning sickness or tiredness and had absolutely no bump at all.
I am 40 years old and had decided not to have any more children. I thought my baby-making days were long gone.
I had only put on about a pound in weight, but just thought I had been snacking too much in the run-up to Christmas.
She gave birth within minutes of breaking the news to her partner Chris Grinter, 42, of the menopause diagnosis after she had seen her doctor.
Overjoyed
My mum died from cancer, so I worried there might be something seriously wrong.
But I was very reassured when my doctor said I was experiencing the classic signs of the menopause. She then booked blood tests at the hospital to check my hormone levels.
She returned home after the appointment and complained of feeling
exhausted.She had gone to the bathroom when she felt a
crippling pain.
There was no time to even shout out to Chris - it was that quick.
A strange calm took over, and with one push Caitlin was out. She barely cried, just wriggled.
I grabbed a towel and wrapped her in it. I was in a state of shock but also quite calm.
She said her partner's
face went whitewhen he saw the baby.
He was just gobsmacked - I don't think he could take it all in, and I can't blame him.
Mr. Grinter dialed 999, and paramedics arrived to cut the cord as she lay in the bathroom.
They were taken to Singleton Hospital, Swansea, and she was told she was only six months into her pregnancy when Caitlin was born.
The baby was on a ventilator and allowed home after five weeks.
The family is ready to celebrate her first birthday on 19 February.
Caitlin is Chris's first baby, so he's particularly thrilled. We had discussed having a baby - but decided against it because of my age.
Even now I look back on photos just a few weeks before I had her and cannot believe I was pregnant.
But Caitlin is the most adorable baby, and we are all overjoyed to have her. She is also the easiest baby - a bit like my pregnancy.
Sue Jacobs of the Royal College of Midwives said:
This is only the third time I've come across one like this in my 25 years as a midwife.
But women do occasionally experience what seems like periods in pregnancy.
In such cases, it's because the bleeding is caused by the placenta, and just happens to coincide with period dates.
Source: From 'menopause' to baby for mum
TODAY'S BOOK SUGGESTION:
by Ophelia Austin-Small
-- Pregnancy books on the market have one of two audiences - the teen with an unplanned pregnancy or the adult with a planned and chosen one.
Nowhere is there a book for the almost 3 million adult women facing surprise pregnancy every year.
Surprise Motherhood is aimed directly at that gap, telling the stories of Ophelia and other women who have faced unplanned pregnancy as an adult, professional women.
With extensive information about options, paternity, career issues, postpartum depression, finances, and more, Surprise Motherhood is the only reference of its kind, and is sure to be an invaluable reader resource.

Click to order/for more info: Surprise Motherhood

Don't have a Kindle? Get your Kindle here, or download a FREE Kindle Reading App.
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Photo credit: Bed Head, by Andrew Bishop |
Boy you were lucky to have a baby at your age.
Actually I agree to a point.
If you think about all the things that have to come together to get pregnant and carry a baby to term, there's a bit of luck no matter what your age.
Was it a surprise I got pregnant at the age of 44? Yes and no.
Yes, because I think everyone is surprised when they get pregnant.
No, because I didn't just get pregnant by accident.
I followed a systematic method of preparing my body and mind - I knew deep down I would succeed.
This Pregnancy Over 40 story was found on Infertility-fertility.blogspot.com
Read more: Sorry this article is no longer available
Originally posted on Thursday, March 17, 2011
TODAY'S BOOK SUGGESTION:
by Doreen Nagle
-- The first and only book to fully address the concerns of the ever-growing but greatly ignored audience of literate, educated women who have delayed motherhood.
In this comprehensive work, women who are considering parenting in their 30s, 40s and later-whether for the first time or starting over-will find all the information they need to make informed choices.
Complete with quotes from medical experts, later-in-life moms and their kids, this one-stop book will calm the doubts and fears of women considering motherhood after 35 and beyond 40 by providing supportive yet realistic information.

Click to order/for more info: But I Don't Feel Too Old to Be a Mommy!

Don't have a Kindle? Get your Kindle here, or download a FREE Kindle Reading App.
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Photo credit: Tiny grasp, by Tracy Wade |
Lead research Professor Allen Wilcox from the National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences in Durham, North Carolina, said:
There apparently are biological factors promoting intercourse during a woman’s six fertile days, whether she wants a baby or not.
It suggests that couples who
take a chancewith unprotected intercourse have the deck stacked against them. Intercourse apparently does not happen randomly.
It's more likely to occur on the fertile days, even though the average woman won't know when these days are.
For whatever reasons (and we don't yet understand the biological reasons behind this) a woman who engages in a single act of unprotected intercourse is more likely to get pregnant than was previously believed.
He said:
It's not uncommon for a doctor to hear from an unhappily pregnant patient that she and her partner had taken a chance 'just this once'. It may be easy to dismiss such claims, but our data suggest these women are probably telling the truth.
TODAY'S BOOK SUGGESTION:
by Tami Quinn and Beth Heller
-- Women who are trying to conceive will find a holistic approach in this hands-on manual.
Step-by-step guidelines help implement a three-part program — of yoga, hypoallergenic and anti-inflammatory nutrition, and stress-reduction techniques — to cleanse the body, mind, and spirit in preparation for pregnancy.
In addition, this program draws on cleansing methods from traditional Chinese medicine and Ayurveda and has been specifically designed for women who are trying naturally or with assisted-reproduction plans.
Also based on new clinical research that suggests that gut health, chronic inflammation, and environmental toxins may be root causes of infertility, this important book offers all women a natural, holistic approach to readying the womb for a child.

Click to order/for more info: The Infertility Cleanse

Don't have a Kindle? Get your Kindle here, or download a FREE Kindle Reading App.

got off scot free.
I didn't feel I wanted children for a long time,says Hegarty, who is now 44 and mother to 2-year-old son, Ciarán.
It may sound selfish to some, but I was terrified — I equated having children with being trapped and felt the whole process was humiliating for a woman,she continues.
Hegarty recalls watching her own mother struggle raising children — as well as many of her peers who had children at a young age — and believes it made her
phobicabout motherhood.
While her friends were growing families, Hegarty was busy building a career in tourism as she
partiedher
twenties and thirties away.
It was during one of her trips working away from home that Hegarty met her future husband. Together they also
partied for a few years, and returned home to Ireland to marry when she was 34-years-old.
Children were still at the bottom of my list,insists Hegarty.
In fact, they weren't on my list at all.
But it all changed when she turned 38, and the Big Ben of her biological clock made a gong show of her baby phobia at long last.
I started ogling babies, and taking more interest in my nieces and nephews,she admits.
We were overwhelmed with longing for a child and started trying.
Despite being driven by Mother Nature's deepest urges, however, Hegarty felt destined for disappointment when she miscarried.
She began to blame herself for being unable to conceive or carry a baby, believing that all of the years of shunning motherhood were now coming home to roost.
I had spent so many years telling myself that I didn't want kids that I felt I had willed my body not to do it,says Hegarty.
Despite the longing, however, she decided not to pursue IVF, having witnessed how the process
took over people's lives, and affected them mentally and emotionally.
Instead, at the age of 40, Hegarty chose to accept that motherhood was just not her
pathand to concentrate on her career in tourism and a part-time pet-sitting business she had launched.
Then, at 41, Mother Nature chimed in and Claire Hegarty was in for a big surprise.
When I had totally put it out of my mind, I discovered I was pregnant,she says.
I was over three months on before I even realized — I had lost track of my cycle because I hadn't been thinking of pregnancy at all. We were overjoyed!
When she was just shy of 42, Hegarty's son was delivered by C-section, and she began the enlightening journey of over-40 motherhood.
I sometimes feel awkward around younger parents,she says.
When they hear you are a first-time parent in your forties, many either think you are mad, brave or they are simply aghast!
She's also had the
granny-momexperience — a sort of (less than charming)
christening,or
advanced maternal rite of passage— that many of us, who became mothers after 40, have journeyed through before her.
At a mother and toddler group, I was once asked if I was my son's grandmother.
It made me realize that even when I am not thinking about my age as a mother of a young child, others often are.
I wish other people would be more sensitive when dealing with older parents,she adds.
When I see someone who looks older, I always assume they are the parent and not the grandparent.
And when it comes to age, Hegarty is sanguine about growing old and the potential of being around for her children as they become adults.
Our family on both sides, old and young, are all in excellent health and have lived into their 80s and 90s,she explains.
I know plenty of younger parents who are not as healthy as we are,insists Hegarty,
and as my mother always says, 'you don't have to be old to die!'
Since having Ciarán, she's elected to take a career break to spend time with her son and
follow her dreams.
As part of that process, Hegarty launched her blog — Forty Something First Time Mum — because she often feels lonely being an older mother.
Many people of my age have older children or no children at all — I wanted to try to connect with others in similar circumstances.
As I am concerned now,says Claire Hegarty,
motherhood is a blessing no matter what age you are.
-----------------
Read more about Claire and her journey at FortySomethingFirstTimeMum
TODAY'S BOOK SUGGESTION:
by Ophelia Austin-Small
-- Pregnancy books on the market have one of two audiences - the teen with an unplanned pregnancy or the adult with a planned and chosen one.
Nowhere is there a book for the almost 3 million adult women facing surprise pregnancy every year.
Surprise Motherhood is aimed directly at that gap, telling the stories of Ophelia and other women who have faced unplanned pregnancy as adult, professional women.
With extensive information about options, paternity, career issues, postpartum depression, finances, and more, Surprise Motherhood is the only reference of its kind, and is sure to be an invaluable reader resource.

Click to order/for more info: Surprise Motherhood

Don't have a Kindle? Get your Kindle here, or download a FREE Kindle Reading App.

Over 100 years ago, it was relatively common for people to see a woman in her 40's with her own baby in her arms, and every now and then you would even see a woman in her mid 50's with her own baby in her arms.
In the last 50 years or so, there has been a frightening drop in fertility. In 2006, 35 year old women are less fertile than women age 45-50 were 100 years ago.
Women were designed to have children from the start of menstruation to a year or two before the menopause. And if menopause isn't till 65, then 100 years ago, a woman would still be getting pregnant, age 63, and giving birth age 64.
But the massive drop in fertility means that it is becoming increasingly uncommon for women over 35 to get pregnant without medical assistance. And no one seems to be interested in investigating this loss of fertility.
And it is not just women who are becoming more and more infertile. Over 100 years ago, sperm counts were typically 100 million sperm per sample, but now they are 30 million sperm per sample, and falling.
So 100 years ago, although it would have been unusual for a 52 year old women to give birth, every large community had a woman in her 50's with her own babe in her arms. So what has gone so terribly with women's/men's fertility, that, now, makes us think that Patricia Rashbrook and Lauren Cohen are so unusual?
Photo credit: debsch
Some rights reserved
TODAY'S BOOK SUGGESTION:
Girl Walks into a Bar . . .: Comedy Calamities, Dating Disasters, and a Midlife Miracle
by Rachel Dratch
-- Her career at a low point, Rachel Dratch suddenly had time for yoga, dog- sitting, learning Spanish - and dating. After all, what did a forty-something single woman living in New York have to lose?
Resigned to childlessness but still hoping for romance, Dratch was out for drinks with a friend when she met John.
Handsome and funny, after only six months of dating long-distance, he became the inadvertent father of her wholly unplanned, undreamed-of child, and moved to New York to be a dad.
With riotous humor, Dratch recounts breaking the news to her bewildered parents, the awe of her single friends, and the awkwardness of a baby-care class where the instructor kept tossing out the f-word.
Filled with great behind-the-scenes anecdotes from Dratch's time on SNL, Girl Walks into a Bar is a refreshing version of the
happily ever afterstory that proves female comics - like bestsellers Tina Fey and Chelsea Handler - are truly having their moment.

Click to order/for more info: Girl Walks into a Bar...

Don't have a Kindle? Get your Kindle here, or download a FREE Kindle Reading App.

Their 51 percent unplanned pregnancy rate is second only to that of teenagers who conceive.
Many sexually active women incorrectly assume that their chances of becoming pregnant are slim during their approaching menopause or peri-menopause.
Many women who each a certain age may be having irregular periods and thing they can't get pregnant any more, and that is not true.
Read more
Stock Photo credit: atolero
All rights reserved
TODAY'S BOOK SUGGESTION:
The New Fertility Diet Guide: Delicious Food Secrets To Help You Get Pregnant Faster At Any Age
by Niels H. Lauersen and Colette Bouchez
-- The best selling authors of
Getting Pregnant: What You Need To Know Nowshare new secrets to using specific foods and food combinations to greatly enhance your chance of getting pregnant fast and easy.
Tested on hundreds of couples, this unique new natural way to increase fertility can work regardless of your age or reproductive status. Studies show it can even increase your IVF success rate!
Delicious, nutritious and easy to follow, this secret food plan works for both women and men to not only help increase fertility, but also improve overall health and encourage conception of a healthier baby!

Click to order/for more info: The New Fertility Diet Guide

Don't have a Kindle? Get your Kindle here, or download a FREE Kindle Reading App.

"It's important that women realize it's entirely conceivable that just one night of unprotected sex in your late 30s, 40s, even 50s can end in an unplanned pregnancy."
Data for England and Wales shows abortion rates among women aged 40 to 44 are the same as for under-16s - four per each 1,000 women.
Other figures from the Office for National Statistics reveal women between 30 and 34 continue to have the highest fertility rate, at 113.1 per 1,000 women.
But the rate among women aged 40 and over has more than doubled since 1988, from 5.1 to 12.6 per 1,000 women, with more than 26,000 live births to women in this age group in 2008.
Read more...
Life Begins... - Miscarriage stories of loss, hope & help
Pregnancy Stories by Age - Daily blog of hope & inspiration!
Stories of Pregnancy over 44 years old - sharing stories I find online, for inspiration!
Pregnancy Stories by Age - Daily blog of hope & inspiration!
Stories of Pregnancy over 44 years old - sharing stories I find online, for inspiration!
Recent Keyword Searches: can i get pregnant at 41 years old, latest age to get pregnant, getting pregnant 40s, why is it more difficult for woman that is forty to get pregnant,
Stock photo by mmagallan
THE myth that women become infertile when they hit 35 is being exposed.
More and more of us are having unplanned pregnancies in our late 30s and 40s.
While many over 35s do struggle to conceive, figures show the birth rate in over 35s has shot up.
The truth is, if you are still having regular periods and unprotected sex, you could become pregnant.
Read more...
Recent Keyword Searches: how to get pregnant in your 40's, where can a 50 yr old new mother go for help with parenting?, can u get pregnant at the age of 45, how can a 42 yr old get pregnant, too late get pregnant

More and more of us are having unplanned pregnancies in our late 30s and 40s.
While many over 35s do struggle to conceive, figures show the birth rate in over 35s has shot up.
The truth is, if you are still having regular periods and unprotected sex, you could become pregnant.
Read more...
Life Begins... - Miscarriage stories of loss, hope & help
Pregnancy Stories by Age - Daily blog of hope & inspiration!
Stories of Pregnancy over 44 years old - sharing stories I find online, for inspiration!
Pregnancy Stories by Age - Daily blog of hope & inspiration!
Stories of Pregnancy over 44 years old - sharing stories I find online, for inspiration!
Recent Keyword Searches: how to get pregnant in your 40's, where can a 50 yr old new mother go for help with parenting?, can u get pregnant at the age of 45, how can a 42 yr old get pregnant, too late get pregnant
Picture by bjearwicke
Here’s a wake-up call for anyone who thinks mature women don’t have to think about unwanted pregnancies.
Half of the pregnancies among women over 40 are unintended and 65 per cent result in abortion, said Kelty Moser, executive director of the Pictou County Centre for Sexual Health in New Glasgow.
Rising divorce rates mean more women in mid-life are encountering new sexual partners than in the past, and they aren’t accustomed to using condoms because the practice wasn’t taught when they went to school more than 20 years ago, Ms. Moser said.
Read more: http://thechronicleherald.ca/NovaScotia/1122584.html
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5,100 Stories of Pregnancy & Birth over 44y
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Half of the pregnancies among women over 40 are unintended and 65 per cent result in abortion, said Kelty Moser, executive director of the Pictou County Centre for Sexual Health in New Glasgow.
Rising divorce rates mean more women in mid-life are encountering new sexual partners than in the past, and they aren’t accustomed to using condoms because the practice wasn’t taught when they went to school more than 20 years ago, Ms. Moser said.
Read more: http://thechronicleherald.ca/NovaScotia/1122584.html
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http://born2luv.blogspot.com/
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http://pregnancyover44y.blogspot.com/
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Whenever you see an older woman with a baby are your first thoughts, "Oh, what a sweet grandbaby!" Ha! You better hold your tongue.
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It's more likely one of two things: A baby who has been desperately awaited by a previously infertile couple, or a baby that is a surprise gift, as result of a menopausal missed call. The latter scenario is more common than you'd expect - more than 70% of pregnancies to women over 40 were not planned.
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The calculated probability of a spontaneous ongoing pregnancy within one year is: 36.1%
__________________________________
Note the page says:
This probability is not reliable in case of :
* - Women with ovulation disorders
* - Men with severe male factor (Total motile sperm count = volume x concentration x % motility <>
* - Women with 2-sided tubal pathology.
Try it out at: http://www.freya.nl/probability.php and let me know what you get!
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http://born2luv.blogspot.com/
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Recent Keyword Searches: can i get pregnant in my 40's?, can older women get pregnant, possibility, pregnant, fsh, can you get pregnant during perimenopause?, can you get pregnant without an lh surge?
Kim Cabral of Brewster thought she was in early menopause. Instead, she found out she was pregnant.
In April 2006, Cabral gave birth to her third child, William, at age 45. During the pregnancy, she was "shocked and scared," so convinced was she that at her age the baby would be born with birth defects. She also discovered that childbearing is a different story after 40.
"I was preparing myself for (birth defects) by talking to friends and doing research," says Cabral. "I can tell you that having a child in my 20s, 30s and 40s had extreme differences each time."
Cabral is hardly alone in learning that lesson. On March 16, Oscar-winning actress Halle Berry, 41, gave birth to her first child, a girl. The number of U.S.-born women ages 40 to 44 giving birth has tripled since 1982, according to a recently published report from the Public Policy Institute of California. The numbers rose during that period from 3.5 to 10.5 births per 1,000 women.
Sally Goldberg, a parenting specialist and author of "Constructive Parenting" (Allyn & Bacon, 2001), points to an "increasingly complex society" for those escalating figures, with women getting married later and waiting longer to have children.
"A major reason for waiting longer is getting their careers under way. Another is the rise in infertility," she says. "It takes a while to determine that infertility is a factor and then even more time to treat it. A third reason is finances. It costs a lot to raise a child, and many couples need the time to save up for the responsibility."
But women have so many responsibilities these days that having young children can be especially stressful for women in their 40s.
Besides full-time jobs outside the home, Goldberg says, "Moms also have the mom-full-time job — basically 40 hours of work plus the additional 24/7 responsibility." Many moms are also students, full time or part time, plus "we all know it takes hours of work to take care of a home, and hours of work to love, honor and cherish a mate." Mom care — the hairdresser, clothes shopping, doctor visits, etc. — "all take time, so the list goes on."
Different decades
In her 20s, Cabral had had tons of energy, bodysurfing waves off Wellfleet the day her water broke with the first baby. And it was a good thing she had that energy.
"My son Rob was and still is my most active child. He could do a running flip from the ground at 3," she says. "I was also very socially active and took Rob to a lot of (political) demonstrations."
While carrying her second child at age 33, Cabral was "thrilled." As director of Kit Anderson House shelter in Hyannis, she worked until three days before her due date.
"I gave Rob a birthday party at an arcade — and that night, delivered Autumn. She was born in less than three hours, and Rob and Autumn have the same birth date! But I was so exhausted being a working mom, I didn't get to enjoy her babyhood like I wanted."
Time went on, and Cabral became a preschool teacher. Life changed when she started feeling strange.
"I figured out I was pregnant with William by the second month because my period hadn't come and I was tired and dizzy all the time," she says. "With William, it was entirely different from the beginning, mostly from the fatigue factor and I had morning sickness from the second month throughout the rest of the pregnancy. ... Then I had an ultrasound — and there he was — it looked like his hand was waving."
Cabral's doctors immediately let her know she had beaten the odds: There is only a 7 percent chance that a woman in her 40's can conceive naturally. Most women that age conceive through artificial insemination or donor eggs. There were also warnings.
"The OB-GYN laid it down for me," she explains. "At this age there was a huge risk factor. Down syndrome is the biggest risk for women in their 40s." In addition, the risk of miscarriage increases with age.
So it should come as no shock that this most recent pregnancy was hard for Cabral.
"I left my job two months early. I was so exhausted I just knew I couldn't do both."
Benefits, too
Being an at-home mom has been a different experience. Cabral acknowledges, "I felt isolated at first, but as William grew, we joined baby yoga and play groups. It's true I don't meet many women my age that are mothers, but that's OK. I have to also say this time around is very tiring, but I love every minute."
Stacey Horton, 43, of South Yarmouth is the mom of Will, 6, and Olivia, 3. She agrees with Cabral.
"Universally, our children are a gift," she says. "They bring us joy and teach us our most valuable lessons. They allow us to stay youthful and express our heart's desires."
There are definite benefits to having a baby later in life. The chief one that Cindy Horgan, family support coordinator at Cape Cod Children's Place in Eastham and co-creator of its parenting station, sees is that women over 40 "have a good sense of who they are and tend to be focused on guiding a young child because they aren't focusing on their own identities."
But, like Cabral, Horton feels having young children later in life can be challenging:
"My energy level is not what it used to be, and my stress level has begun to soar. Although our children get along very well, there are typical sibling rivalry issues. These can be extremely challenging, especially being someone who doesn't handle conflict very well. Again, a lesson for me."
Since Will had been born three months prematurely, her second birth was meticulously monitored.
Fortunately, Horton says, "Other than the typical three months of nausea, my pregnancy was fairly easy. Our daughter was born three weeks early, which was perfect for me."
Advances in medicine that allow that monitoring have helped more women conceive after age 40 and stay healthy during those later-in-life pregnancies. While there are more risks for that age group now, the risks were even greater a generation or two ago.
Taking a chance
One mother of six — who did not want her name used, but is affectionately called "Mama Jean" by friends and family — had her sixth child at age 41, in 1964.
"I was lucky to have six kids without any problems back then, especially since my blood was RH negative, which could cause health problems to the baby," she says. "I only stopped having children at 41 because the doctor told me I'd be taking a chance at my age to have more."
Back then, Mama Jean shares, "I would have kept having children if I'd been younger."
But nowadays, with priority on education and career before kids, women are willing to wait to give birth. And Cabral offers encouraging words:
"Doctors use new ultrasounds now that trace every physical aspect of the baby to determine the baby's health. So they know early on of any serious developmental and/or physical delays."
Using these new techniques, Cabral was given an ultrasound when she was less than four months pregnant, and then another when she was seven months along. She went through a variety of other medical monitoring, including a stress test, and doctors finally decided to induce labor to encourage the birth. William was a healthy, 9.4-pound baby.
More risks, more stress, more physical challenges — yet over-40 moms say the prize of the tiny life is worth it.
"My daughter has brought me such joy from the moment she was born," Horton says. "Although having one child would have been more manageable, I can't imagine our lives without my daughter. She is a beacon of light and a great sibling."
Cabral agrees. She marvels: "Each child is special, but when you're older, you cherish each little thing. My husband and I were at the playground the other day and he said, 'What would we be doing now without William?' I answered, 'We'd be home watching TV.'"
Source: http://www.capecodonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080330/LIFE/803300305/-1/NEWS
TODAY'S BOOK SUGGESTION:

What I Thought I Knew: A Memoir
by Alice Eve Cohen
--A personal and medical odyssey beyond anything most women would believe possible
At age forty-four, Alice Eve Cohen was happy for the first time in years.
After a difficult divorce, she was engaged to an inspiring man, joyfully raising her adopted daughter, and her career was blossoming. Alice tells her fiancé that she's never been happier. And then the stomach pains begin.
In her unflinchingly honest and ruefully witty voice, Alice nimbly carries us through her metamorphosis from a woman who has come to terms with infertility to one who struggles to love a heartbeat found in her womb - six months into a high-risk pregnancy.
What I Thought I Knew is a page-turner filled with vivid characters, humor, and many surprises and twists of fate.
With the suspense of a thriller and the intimacy of a diary, Cohen describes her unexpected journey through doubt, a broken medical system, and the hotly contested terrain of motherhood and family in today's society.
Timely and compelling, What I Thought I Knew will capture readers of memoirs such as Eat, Pray, Love; The Glass Castle; and A Three Dog Life.
Paperback: 208 pages
Click to order/for more info: What I Thought I Knew: A Memoir
Start reading What I Thought I Knew: A Memoir on your Kindle in under a minute!
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In April 2006, Cabral gave birth to her third child, William, at age 45. During the pregnancy, she was "shocked and scared," so convinced was she that at her age the baby would be born with birth defects. She also discovered that childbearing is a different story after 40.
"I was preparing myself for (birth defects) by talking to friends and doing research," says Cabral. "I can tell you that having a child in my 20s, 30s and 40s had extreme differences each time."
Cabral is hardly alone in learning that lesson. On March 16, Oscar-winning actress Halle Berry, 41, gave birth to her first child, a girl. The number of U.S.-born women ages 40 to 44 giving birth has tripled since 1982, according to a recently published report from the Public Policy Institute of California. The numbers rose during that period from 3.5 to 10.5 births per 1,000 women.
Sally Goldberg, a parenting specialist and author of "Constructive Parenting" (Allyn & Bacon, 2001), points to an "increasingly complex society" for those escalating figures, with women getting married later and waiting longer to have children.
"A major reason for waiting longer is getting their careers under way. Another is the rise in infertility," she says. "It takes a while to determine that infertility is a factor and then even more time to treat it. A third reason is finances. It costs a lot to raise a child, and many couples need the time to save up for the responsibility."
But women have so many responsibilities these days that having young children can be especially stressful for women in their 40s.
Besides full-time jobs outside the home, Goldberg says, "Moms also have the mom-full-time job — basically 40 hours of work plus the additional 24/7 responsibility." Many moms are also students, full time or part time, plus "we all know it takes hours of work to take care of a home, and hours of work to love, honor and cherish a mate." Mom care — the hairdresser, clothes shopping, doctor visits, etc. — "all take time, so the list goes on."
Different decades
In her 20s, Cabral had had tons of energy, bodysurfing waves off Wellfleet the day her water broke with the first baby. And it was a good thing she had that energy.
"My son Rob was and still is my most active child. He could do a running flip from the ground at 3," she says. "I was also very socially active and took Rob to a lot of (political) demonstrations."
While carrying her second child at age 33, Cabral was "thrilled." As director of Kit Anderson House shelter in Hyannis, she worked until three days before her due date.
"I gave Rob a birthday party at an arcade — and that night, delivered Autumn. She was born in less than three hours, and Rob and Autumn have the same birth date! But I was so exhausted being a working mom, I didn't get to enjoy her babyhood like I wanted."
Time went on, and Cabral became a preschool teacher. Life changed when she started feeling strange.
"I figured out I was pregnant with William by the second month because my period hadn't come and I was tired and dizzy all the time," she says. "With William, it was entirely different from the beginning, mostly from the fatigue factor and I had morning sickness from the second month throughout the rest of the pregnancy. ... Then I had an ultrasound — and there he was — it looked like his hand was waving."
Cabral's doctors immediately let her know she had beaten the odds: There is only a 7 percent chance that a woman in her 40's can conceive naturally. Most women that age conceive through artificial insemination or donor eggs. There were also warnings.
"The OB-GYN laid it down for me," she explains. "At this age there was a huge risk factor. Down syndrome is the biggest risk for women in their 40s." In addition, the risk of miscarriage increases with age.
So it should come as no shock that this most recent pregnancy was hard for Cabral.
"I left my job two months early. I was so exhausted I just knew I couldn't do both."
Benefits, too
Being an at-home mom has been a different experience. Cabral acknowledges, "I felt isolated at first, but as William grew, we joined baby yoga and play groups. It's true I don't meet many women my age that are mothers, but that's OK. I have to also say this time around is very tiring, but I love every minute."
Stacey Horton, 43, of South Yarmouth is the mom of Will, 6, and Olivia, 3. She agrees with Cabral.
"Universally, our children are a gift," she says. "They bring us joy and teach us our most valuable lessons. They allow us to stay youthful and express our heart's desires."
There are definite benefits to having a baby later in life. The chief one that Cindy Horgan, family support coordinator at Cape Cod Children's Place in Eastham and co-creator of its parenting station, sees is that women over 40 "have a good sense of who they are and tend to be focused on guiding a young child because they aren't focusing on their own identities."
But, like Cabral, Horton feels having young children later in life can be challenging:
"My energy level is not what it used to be, and my stress level has begun to soar. Although our children get along very well, there are typical sibling rivalry issues. These can be extremely challenging, especially being someone who doesn't handle conflict very well. Again, a lesson for me."
Since Will had been born three months prematurely, her second birth was meticulously monitored.
Fortunately, Horton says, "Other than the typical three months of nausea, my pregnancy was fairly easy. Our daughter was born three weeks early, which was perfect for me."
Advances in medicine that allow that monitoring have helped more women conceive after age 40 and stay healthy during those later-in-life pregnancies. While there are more risks for that age group now, the risks were even greater a generation or two ago.
Taking a chance
One mother of six — who did not want her name used, but is affectionately called "Mama Jean" by friends and family — had her sixth child at age 41, in 1964.
"I was lucky to have six kids without any problems back then, especially since my blood was RH negative, which could cause health problems to the baby," she says. "I only stopped having children at 41 because the doctor told me I'd be taking a chance at my age to have more."
Back then, Mama Jean shares, "I would have kept having children if I'd been younger."
But nowadays, with priority on education and career before kids, women are willing to wait to give birth. And Cabral offers encouraging words:
"Doctors use new ultrasounds now that trace every physical aspect of the baby to determine the baby's health. So they know early on of any serious developmental and/or physical delays."
Using these new techniques, Cabral was given an ultrasound when she was less than four months pregnant, and then another when she was seven months along. She went through a variety of other medical monitoring, including a stress test, and doctors finally decided to induce labor to encourage the birth. William was a healthy, 9.4-pound baby.
More risks, more stress, more physical challenges — yet over-40 moms say the prize of the tiny life is worth it.
"My daughter has brought me such joy from the moment she was born," Horton says. "Although having one child would have been more manageable, I can't imagine our lives without my daughter. She is a beacon of light and a great sibling."
Cabral agrees. She marvels: "Each child is special, but when you're older, you cherish each little thing. My husband and I were at the playground the other day and he said, 'What would we be doing now without William?' I answered, 'We'd be home watching TV.'"
Source: http://www.capecodonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080330/LIFE/803300305/-1/NEWS
TODAY'S BOOK SUGGESTION:
by Alice Eve Cohen
--A personal and medical odyssey beyond anything most women would believe possible
At age forty-four, Alice Eve Cohen was happy for the first time in years.
After a difficult divorce, she was engaged to an inspiring man, joyfully raising her adopted daughter, and her career was blossoming. Alice tells her fiancé that she's never been happier. And then the stomach pains begin.
In her unflinchingly honest and ruefully witty voice, Alice nimbly carries us through her metamorphosis from a woman who has come to terms with infertility to one who struggles to love a heartbeat found in her womb - six months into a high-risk pregnancy.
What I Thought I Knew is a page-turner filled with vivid characters, humor, and many surprises and twists of fate.
With the suspense of a thriller and the intimacy of a diary, Cohen describes her unexpected journey through doubt, a broken medical system, and the hotly contested terrain of motherhood and family in today's society.
Timely and compelling, What I Thought I Knew will capture readers of memoirs such as Eat, Pray, Love; The Glass Castle; and A Three Dog Life.

Click to order/for more info: What I Thought I Knew: A Memoir

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